dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
