So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
its liver damage thursday
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
