That's intense
im six kinds of drunk right now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
