Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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