I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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