i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize