Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
