Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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