Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
