I wish I could teleport
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
