I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
