there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
