he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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