Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
