so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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