she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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