She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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