Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize