i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
