i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
