Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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