i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
