Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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