i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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