Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my liver is dry heaving
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
