Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Two words: nipple clamps
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