But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize