I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
