can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
