I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wish my penis had a tongue
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
