Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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