addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
