remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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