Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
