did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
