Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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