i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
