after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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