i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
