I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
