my mouth tastes like poor choices
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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