Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
