i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
