My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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