wanna go halves on a baby?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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