the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
