Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
