I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
