You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
