This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
