Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
