you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
