when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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