Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
