Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
