at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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