I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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