Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
