Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
