Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
