yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
