So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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