Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
