my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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